If You Like Your Phone So Much Why Don’t You Marry It?
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If You Like Your Phone So Much Why Don’t You Marry It?

I tell myself I’m not addicted. I can quit anytime I want.

I tell myself I’m not addicted. I can quit anytime I want. This thing doesn’t have any power over me. I’m a strong and confident woman and I can do anything I put my mind to. I whisper these encouraging words to myself as I stare at my phone across the room. “You don’t own me.”

But… it kind of does. It owns all of us, right? We email, text, tweet, Facebook, read, write, even order groceries online. Our technology has adapted to what we needed and now we feel as though we need that technology every minute of the day.

We don’t really need smartphones every day but some of us feel that way. Luckily I’ve comprised a short quiz to answer the decade-old question: Are you addicted to your phone?

  1. Is checking your phone the first thing you do in the morning? If you do it before opening your eyes, going to the bathroom, or starting your coffee, you may have a problem.
  2. Is your battery at 50% before 9 a.m.? No, your battery isn’t going south. You just haven’t put your phone down since you started your morning coffee.
  3. Do you use the voice memo feature to remind yourself to stop using your phone too much? Or have you ever set a timer on your phone for X amount of minutes before you can touch your phone again? I don’t think using the problem as part of the solution is a good idea.
  4. Do you spend more time organizing your apps than you do organizing your home? Raise your hand if your apps are in perfectly pristine logical folders, but you couldn’t find your passport in five minutes.
  5. Can you go more than an hour without your phone before becoming a twitchy, angsty mess? The phantom vibrations in your pocket feel so real, don’t they?
  6. Have you fallen off a sidewalk or walked into traffic because you were looking at your phone? Go ahead and blame these actions on Pokemon Go.
  7. Are you reading this test on your phone? Do people actually still use computers? With, like, a mouse and everything?
  8. Which is more expensive: the shoes you’re wearing or your phone case? Be honest, folks. This is solely for your own edification.
  9. Do you remember what the sky looks like? I’ll give you a hint: It’s not green.
  10. If your house was on fire and you could only grab one item, would it be your phone? I’m in no place to judge, but please say no.

The only score card for this test is your conscience. If you think you’re addicted, you’re in good company because I think I am, too. If you don’t think you’re addicted – congratulations! Please let me know how that feels. Let me know via smoke signal, though, because I definitely need to put my phone down and go outside right now.

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